Technology shapes how we relate to one another. From the printing press to the telephone, from television to social media, each innovation has altered the rhythms of life, writes Gary Henderson
Artificial intelligence, however, feels different. Not because it is simply faster or more powerful, but because it increasingly steps into spaces that were once reserved for human relationships themselves. As AI becomes more embedded in our daily lives, it is worth asking whether we are slowly replacing human connection with digital convenience, and what that might mean for us as individuals, communities and educators.
What’s Got Your Attention?
There is little doubt that we are spending more time with our devices and less time with each other in person. Smartphones rarely leave our hands. A colleague often asks attendees at conferences the first thing they reach for the in morning, and their smartphone is one of the top answers. Streaming platforms and social media apps offer endless entertainment, carefully tailored to our preferences, ensuring there is always “one more episode” or one more post waiting. None of this is accidental. These systems are engineered to capture attention, and they do so with remarkable efficiency.
On-demand television services such as Netflix, with their AI-powered recommendation engines, combined with our mobile devices play a subtle but significant role in this shift. Where once watching television might have been a shared, communal experience, it is now often solitary and personalised. Each family member can retreat to their own device, watching content curated specifically for them. The shared cultural moments that once prompted conversation are replaced by parallel, individual experiences.
To make things worse, these tools often seek to give the impression of connection with likes, comments, reactions but often without the depth, vulnerability or accountability that characterise meaningful relationships. I remember being sat in a hotel feeling lonely, yet I was responding to comments, likes and posts on social media. I was very connected but in a way that felt shallow and, in that moment, didn’t fulfil my need for human connectedness.
The Friend That’s Always Available
And if that wasn’t bad enough, we have AI companions: digital friends designed to talk with us, support us and keep us company. These AI friends are always available. They never argue, never get tired and seldom challenge us. They adapt to our preferences, mirror our language and respond in ways that feel affirming and safe. For some, particularly those who are lonely or socially anxious, this can feel like a lifeline. For others, it represents a worrying substitution of simulation for reality. Many of the AI companions I have seen, for example, appear to be marketed towards the young males including overly sexualised female avatars with promises of a companion which will consent to your every whim. What does this teach young impressionable boys as to developing and maintaining a real-life relationship? And I note the issues impacting girls are no less evident, although are different in nature.
Learning to be Human
From an educational perspective, this matters deeply. Schools and trusts are not only places of academic learning; they are environments where young people learn how to be human together. They learn how to collaborate, how to disagree respectfully, how to cope with rejection and how to repair relationships. If technology increasingly mediates or replaces these interactions, we risk weakening the social and emotional foundations that education is meant to support.
There is also an ethical dimension to consider. When technology companies design systems that compete directly with human relationships for time and attention, whose interests are being served? AI-driven platforms are often optimised for engagement because engagement drives revenue. The longer we stay, the more data is collected, and the more accurately we can be profiled. In this context, human wellbeing can become secondary to commercial objectives.
Seeing Both Sides of the Coin
This is not an argument against technology itself. That would be neither realistic nor desirable. There are many benefits to technology, however there are risks and drawbacks too, and we need to get better at seeing both sides of the coin:, the benefits but also the drawbacks of technology and its uses. Convenience and ease is seductive, but it lacks something, and when looking at human connection, I feel it lacks depth. In our relationships it is this depth that gives our relationships meaning and value. We therefore need deeper discussion as we seek to navigate between the potentials, not just the usual one-sided boom or doom discussions. We need a more thoughtful, values-driven approach to how these tools are integrated into our lives. Technology should augment human relationships, not replace them.
As we increasingly use technology, perhaps the most important question we should ask is this: in a world where technology is increasingly drawing on our time and where human connection can be simulated, how do we ensure we do not forget how to truly connect with one another?
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