Supporting Parents, Staff and Pupils in Times of Loss

It is almost impossible to imagine the loss of a child. Yet, for some parents in our school communities, this devastating experience becomes a reality

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared in SME Today

As leaders within schools, it is vital to be prepared to offer the right support – not just for staff members, but also for parents, carers and families who may be affected. School business leaders are ideally placed to influence the culture, policies and practices that shape how the school responds with compassion and sensitivity during such unimaginable times.

Understanding Parental Grief

The grief experienced by parents after losing a child can bring an overwhelming mix of psychological, social, emotional and physical reactions. Grief does not follow a simple, predictable pattern, but may unfold in stages such as initial shock, disbelief, anger, profound sadness and, eventually, a slow adaptation to life without their child.

For SBLs, understanding these patterns helps when considering how colleagues or parents in the school community may present grief. It also means recognising that other children and students touched by the loss may require additional support, reassurance and sensitive adjustments to help them process their own feelings.

When Grief Becomes Prolonged

While most families gradually find ways to live with their loss, others may experience prolonged or complicated grief, particularly if the loss is sudden, traumatic, or happens in the perinatal period. This condition, sometimes called Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), can severely affect daily functioning and wellbeing. In a school environment, this might look like a colleague struggling with focus, absenteeism, or heightened emotional distress. For parents, it may show in their interactions with staff, attendance at school events, or engagement with their child’s education. Recognising these signs allows SBMs to signpost to specialist help and ensure appropriate workplace or school-based adjustments.

Supporting Bereaved Parents and Staff in Schools

The school environment can either be a place of refuge or a source of additional stress for grieving parents and staff. SBLs can ensure it becomes the former by embedding supportive structures into policies and daily practice:

• Open Conversations: Don’t shy away from gentle check-ins. Simply asking, “How are you coping today?” can signal compassion. Collaborate with line managers and pastoral staff to make conversations consistent and sensitive.
• Respecting Individual Needs: Some grieving parents may want privacy; others may value shared acknowledgement. Work with the individual to agree what information should be shared with colleagues or the wider school community.
• Practical Adjustments: Flexible working, remote options, or phased returns for grieving staff can make an enormous difference. For parents in the community, SBMs can ensure office teams are responsive to requests for extra time on forms, fee adjustments, or compassionate handling of attendance concerns.
• Policies That Protect: Review staff leave and parental engagement policies. Ensure that bereavement leave includes parental loss and pregnancy loss. Align these policies with DfE and ACAS guidance, making sure staff understand what you can offer.

Beyond staff and families, it is often the children themselves who feel the impact most directly, whether through the loss of a sibling, a classmate, or simply by being close to those affected. SBLs can play a vital role in ensuring that support structures are in place, working alongside pastoral teams, safeguarding leads, and external agencies to provide appropriate care. This might include signposting families to bereavement charities, arranging counselling or wellbeing support for pupils and ensuring communication with parents is handled with sensitivity.

Grief will inevitably touch members of our school communities. In these times, SBLs can act as anchors, ensuring systems and people respond with kindness, flexibility and humanity. By shaping policy and modelling compassion, SBMs help ensure no bereaved parent, carer, or colleague feels alone in their grief.