Ever been asked a question only to realise seconds later that the person wasn’t really looking for your answer? Congratulations, you’ve just been boomerasked!
CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared in Happiful
Boomerasking is the subtle, and sometimes unintentionally annoying, art of asking a question just to pave the way for your own response. It’s like throwing a conversational boomerang – you send it out, but it comes right back to you. Often disguised as genuine interest, a boomerask is essentially a trick question that creates an opening for the asker to share something on their mind.
We’ve all been there: A friend asks, “What do you think about the latest movie?” Just as you open your mouth to reply, they dive straight into their own critique. It wasn’t really about your opinion – it was about airing theirs. Sound familiar?
Why Do We Boomerask?
Most people don’t set out to be conversational hijackers. In fact, the intention behind it isn’t always malicious. It often stems from a desire to connect or share something personal, but the execution leaves the other person feeling dismissed or unimportant. The kicker? The boomerasker usually thinks the exchange went great – completely unaware that their approach came off as self-centred.
Studies have shown that people on the receiving end of this sort of exchange report feeling irritated, unheard and less engaged. Yet, the boomerasker tends to believe the interaction was equally enjoyable for both parties. This disconnect happens because boomerasking disguises itself as curiosity but quickly flips into self-expression.
Boomerasking comes in a few distinct flavours, each with its own unique twist. Let’s break down the main types and see if you’ve encountered (or unintentionally been) one of these boomeraskers:
Ask-Complaining
This is when someone uses a question to complain. It’s like baiting you into listening to their woes under the guise of polite conversation.
Example:
Them: “How are you today?”
You: “I’m good, thanks! You?”
Them: “Oh, I’m completely exhausted – my boiler broke, I’ve got a cold, and the dentist tomorrow. Ugh, why is life so unfair?”
They didn’t really care about your response – they just needed an opening to vent.
Ask-Bragging
Here, the question is a sneaky setup to boast about something they’re proud of. It’s like fishing for a compliment but more blatant.
Example:
Them: “Did you enjoy your chip shop lunch?”
You: “Yeah, it was great!”
Them: “Oh, I just had homemade soup and fresh fruit – I’m on a health kick and feeling amazing!”
Instead of genuinely caring about your meal, they’re looking for a way to highlight their superior choice.
Ask-Sharing
This is when someone asks for your opinion or preference, only to immediately override it with their own. It’s like offering a choice, but secretly already deciding for both of you.
Example:
Them: “What kind of music do you want to listen to?”
You: “Maybe some jazz?”
Them: “Let’s just put on some upbeat pop – that’ll cheer me up!”
In this scenario, the question was merely a formality. The asker already had their answer lined up, completely disregarding yours.
If you’re worried you might be a serial boomerasker, don’t panic. It’s easy to change the way you communicate. The key is to be straightforward. Instead of asking a question when you’re just looking to share something, be honest. Acknowledging your enthusiasm directly makes your communication more transparent and enjoyable for both parties. Being more intentional about how you ask questions can make your conversations feel more genuine and balanced.
After all, nobody likes being hit by a conversational boomerang – it’s much more satisfying when the chat flows naturally, with everyone getting their moment to speak.
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