Lawn and Order: SBL Edition

This month, Laura contemplates a garden-related dilemma in her unique take on ‘Lawn and Order: SBL Edition.’ She reflects on how, at times, it’s better to let people find their own solutions, rather than trying to fix a problem for them

One of the things that John has embraced since we moved into our new home is looking after the lawn. We have a small lawn at the front of the house and a large one in the back. Not having had one before, it’s something of a novelty—and a challenge. He’s bought all the right equipment and is determined that our lawn will be as good as Carlsberg’s, ‘if Carlsberg did lawns’…

The thing is, not all our neighbours are as green-thumbed. So, John has somehow become the gardening guru of the area.  People now stop him when he’s in the garage or out mowing and ask for advice on all kinds of plant and DIY-related issues.

Our immediate neighbour is lovely but definitely not green-thumbed.

Last year, he bought the cheapest available mower, which only lasted a mow and a half. When he told John about this, of course, John offered to help. Our neighbour politely declined, saying he would ‘get around to it at some point,’ and the conversation moved on.

John, however, did not. Every time he looked out of the window, he shook his head and furrowed his brow. It drove him crazy; it was completely unthinkable to him that someone would let their garden grow into some sort of suburban jungle.

Also, our neighbour had shared that they’d been having a tough time, and John, who loves to help, thought that fixing their garden would be the perfect way to lend a hand.

One time, when we were talking about it, I told him he reminded me of Monica from Friends, who’s obsessed with cleaning. In one episode, her brother Ross dates and quickly dumps a girl because her apartment is a mess, and Monica knocks on the girl’s door in the middle of the night after the breakup, offering to clean it because she couldn’t sleep thinking about it!

I was imagining waking up to the sound of midnight mowing, with John having sneaked into the garden next door, unable to look at it any longer! But what does all this have to do with SBLs?

As SBLs, we have a lot of knowledge and skills that are helpful and useful to others—and being SBLs we often have the inclination to offer that help, knowing that by doing what we do, we can make something better or easier for someone else. However, not everyone wants or is ready to accept that help.

It could be that your Head or another SLT member is convinced they know exactly what needs to be done and how – even if they don’t. Or maybe they just won’t let go of something that you know they would be better off leaving to you. It could be someone that you line-manage who believes they’re right and insists on doing things in a longer, more complicated way – or perhaps they feel too proud to ask for or accept the support they clearly need.

In either scenario, we sometimes have to accept that the person we’re trying so hard to help may not want us involved because accepting that you’re wrong or that you need help at all can make you feel vulnerable.

Sure, sometimes we have to stand our ground, be firm, and go into battle—especially if the stakes are high. But other times, we need to accept that they’re going to have to find out they’re wrong the hard way. They’re not going to pass that task to you, that it might take them a bit longer to get the job done… or, in John’s case, that the neighbours will not look after their lawn!

It isn’t easy to take a step back, and I know you probably have your own ‘lawn jungle’ sitting in your peripheral vision, but sometimes, all you can do is extend an offer. Because even if they say no, when they do need help in the future, they’ll know who to come to.