Dealing with difficult people

Unfortunately, not everyone in life is going to be easy to deal with… Phil Burton, business leader at Success Academy Trust, shares some practical tips to help you cope with those who may be harder to get along with 

Read the full article below or on page 26 in our May magazine

Having to deal with difficult people is tough; it’s something that we all have to do from time-to-time and no-one really enjoys it. An unpleasant person can have the effect of playing on your mind for a long time. There are a host of difficult people in the workplace including those negativity spreaders (mood hoovers), gossipmongers, terrible team players, the blamers, the responsibility avoiders and the just plain and downright dishonest.

So how do we manage these people? To coin a phrase that I’ve heard a lot on the SBL Twitter – ‘It’s time to put on your big pants on and get on with it’ – when it comes to dealing with difficult people.

Practice – if you don’t like the idea of managing difficult people rehearse it and keep practicing – you will get better at it.

Listen to them – it is easy to go in with a preconceived idea about what the individual will be like and this is, sometimes, not the real person. Take time to listen to them and use it as an opportunity to exercise curiosity. Try to understand what they want and why they are being difficult. Remember, however, that you may not be able to solve their issues as this may just not be practicable.

Use humour – sometimes a laugh and a joke can break down barriers and reduce conflict; it can remind us that we share common ground and even move us towards a more collaborative workplace.

Wear their shoes – see things from their point of view. Would you behave in a similar way if you were them? You don’t have to agree with them, but showing some empathy may open doors to two-way communication with respect and compassion.

Reach an agreement – sometimes compromise feels like you have lost the battle;l however, this could just be a small stepping stone into winning the war! If you reach an agreement both of you will get something out of the conversation and small steps will be made – your difficult person may even become a little more pleasant.

Have a buffer – set a limit on the time being spent with them; do it in a neutral space and, if necessary, don’t interact alone.

Create an exit plan – sometimes it is not worth engaging when emotions are too high; we may get too absorbed in the moment simply forget to just leave. If you are having a hard time dealing with a staff member remember that you have that ‘other meeting’ to attend, or offer to pick it up another time.

Dealing with people can be really difficult but, very often, when you start the relationship it changes for the better and they become an engaged member of the team. Having these conversations, whilst incredibly painful, can have positive outcomes.

What if it all goes wrong? You will need to refer it to HR, or reach out to your line manager for assistance. If your conflict is around bullying, harassment, inappropriate conduct or threats you must proceed with your grievance procedures via your line management.