Out, out

Laura Williams, SBL coach and trainer, reflects on social awkwardness – and how to overcome it

A few weeks ago, I went ‘out out’ for the first time in ages.

Obviously, I’ve been ‘out’, but this was the biggest social event I’ve been to since last July and the first one since before the pandemic- where the room was full of people I know, and people I kinda know…
 
Besides the trauma of trying to put together an appropriate outfit for the occasion (a skill I appear to have lost) I was faced with one of my old demons – social awkwardness. The event in question was a friend’s birthday party and, though I had a lovely time, I was reminded of how bad I am at being ‘sociable’!

I’m good with people I know really well, and one-on-one, but put me in a crowd and I just want the ground to open and swallow me up. Small talk is…exhausting and impossible! I’m so bad at it; I just tend to sit on the side-lines, smile politely, nod intermittently, and throw in the occasional question to keep the flow going if I think there is a danger that the spotlight is coming my way!
 
Confession time – I’m the same at conferences.

A room full of people is just overwhelming, even professionally.
 
If nobody strikes up a conversation with me, I’ll quite happily blend into the crowd, studiously eat my lunch, and then leave the room early to queue up for the next seminar – not because I don’t want to talk to people; I just have this overwhelming fear that I will, inexplicably, make a total nitwit of myself in completely unforeseen (and often ridiculous) ways!
 
Since I started speaking at conferences (for which I can practice, a lot!) people have been so lovely, and come up and speak to me which makes me feel much less of a lemon. (Thank you; you know who you are!)

So, where am I going with this? 

We are so lucky that we need never be alone – the SBL role is like my conference experience writ large. ​We are constantly asked to step out of our comfort zones; we all feel that urge to retreat to the safety of our offices and lock the door – but we don’t have to do it unsupported and, sometimes, just touching base with another SBL can be enough to give us the strength to push through and get things done.
 
Sometimes, a bit of solidarity is all it takes to dispel those storm clouds of incoming panic and help us to breathe easy. It’s what I try to do with my emails, on social media, and in my sessions (even though I still struggle with it myself at times!) 

If you’re coming to Edexec Live, and you see me with my head down looking deliberately engrossed in eating a pastry, please come up and say ‘Hi’ and save me from myself!

And if you’re not coming to Edexec because you feel as adrift, as I do, in a room full of people, then please, reconsider and come along! Come and join me at either of the EdExec Live events – both of which boast an awesome line-up, and plenty of familiar faces; check out this link for more info.

I see you! You are not alone – you can sit with me.

To join Laura at the LIVE recording of the podcast at EdExec Live South in London on 9th June 2022 or EdExec Live in Manchester on October 6th 2022 – book your tickets here!

To register your interest for free or discounted tickets email [email protected] quoting the subject line ‘I want to learn more at EdExec Live!