How to talk about your feelings as an SBL

For school leaders, taking the time to talk about how they’re doing will pay dividends in the long-run, especially when it comes having enough energy to meet the range of expectations they’re juggling – here are some tips to talking more openly

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Education Support

School leaders talk to quite a few people in a day; a colleague with a question about the latest COVID guidance, then a pupil with challenges at home. Perhaps a heated conversation with a parent or two, followed by a quick call with the Chair of Governors? And that’s all before midday. 

Conversations keep things running. They can establish connections but can also be fraught. They can be energising and inspiring but can also be draining. That’s a lot to experience before midday.

Do you ever pause to ask yourself how you’re feeling? Who do you turn to if you start to feel the weight of your daily interactions? 

Looking at The Teacher Wellbeing Index, school leaders are most at risk of acute stress, insomnia and exhaustion. They are also the most likely to have their own coping strategies in place, and these are more likely to exist outside of school. 

Whatever their experience, taking time to make space to talk about how they’re doing might help them stay well in the long run. It might help them build the resilience to meet the demands of their role and have enough energy to meet the range of expectations they’re juggling. 

What’s the evidence?

Studies have shown that talking about experiences and sharing emotions with a sympathetic other person can be a healing process. It can reduce stress, strengthen the immune system, and soothe both mental distress and physical ailments (Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser, & Glaser, 1988).

Talking about experiences (as opposed to just thinking them over alone) has been shown to help give them shape. This may help turn abstract feelings into something more tangible, which is easier to understand.

Once you understand the structure and meaning of your experiences you can gain a sense control and better manage your emotions (Pennebaker & Graybeal, 2001). For school leaders this could mean building confidence and emotional resilience to further support students and colleagues.  

Talking to someone can also help you to label your emotions, which may allow you to understand them and let them go (Esterling, L’Abate, Murray, & Pennebaker, 1999; Swinkels & Giuliano, 1995).

There is plenty of evidence that points to the long-lasting effects of talking therapies and studies indicate that the expression of emotion can lead to positive outcomes such as better mental and physical health.

Long-term, talking therapies can even help rewire your brain to deal more effectively with future challenges in the classroom or at home. (Lyubomirsky et al., 2006; 166 Empirical Studies of the Arts 36(2) Pennebaker & Beall, 1986;).

Why talk? 

School leaders, teachers, and education staff have been under pressure since way before the pandemic. Then COVID-19 arrived and compounded these challenges. 

For school leaders, dealing with the added responsibilities and pressures of this challenging period means they’re most at risk of burnout.   

Processing feelings effectively can be a great way to balance mental wellbeing and relieve some of the pressure that can lead to burnout in the long run. But talking about your feelings isn’t appealing for everyone, especially if we believe our professional lives require us to be seen as incredibly strong or bullet-proof.  

Types of talking therapies

If you decide that talking is the right route for you there are many ways to do this. 

There is no one approach or talking therapy that works for everyone. You may spend some time discovering what style works best for you, which might mean trying a couple of options before finding the right fit. 

The NHS has a great guide to all types of talking therapy, and here’s a brief overview of the types of services you can try: 

Short-term counselling

If you’re dealing with a specific issue, short-term counselling might work for you. You can agree on an issue to address and a set number of sessions with a counsellor. You can look at the BACP’s directory to find a counsellor to work with. 

Psychotherapy

For ongoing issues, or just creating a regular, ongoing space to process your experiences, you might consider longer term psychotherapy. There are many different types of psychotherapists, who are trained using different theoretical frameworks.

Many therapists, however, say that their theoretical approaches are less important than building a trusted relationship with their clients. Focusing on whether you feel you can work with an individual therapist might be a good place to start if you don’t have a preference for a particular style of therapy.

Online or phone support

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, many therapy services have moved online or are being offered over the phone. This has many benefits, including making it easier to fit your choice of therapy around your work and other commitments, and being less intimidating than starting face to face work.

Phone lines are great, as they offer the help you need, when you need it, but you don’t get the benefit of building a trusting relationship, as you do by seeing the same counsellor on a regular basis. 

Peer Support Groups

These informal support groups bring together people united in a theme, whether it’s an AA or NA chapter, a group of people with the same mental health diagnosis, or a group who share the same job role. 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

This aims to change behaviours by examining thought patterns that have been learned over time. You’ll usually have a limited number of sessions and work towards a clear goal to learn new ways of thinking and doing. CBT is available through your GP and commonly prescribed by GPs for people experiencing anxiety and depression.  

Give yourself time

Talking more openly to others about how you’re feeling may feel uncomfortable at first – especially if you’re not used to showing a more vulnerable side. Start by taking small steps until your confidence grows and try different approaches until you find what works best for you. At first it might be useful to write down your feelings before a conversation or you could try booking in a specific time to talk.

Finally, remember you’re not alone. It’s likely your colleagues will experience (or already have) the same emotions at some point in their career.