How to let go

How can we tell when it’s time to let go of what’s holding us back, and take a step in a new direction?

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeaerd on Happiful

There’s no denying that a degree of stability and predictability can be helpful, even desirable, but the reality is that many of us deviate from a ‘perfect’ timeline due to circumstances, necessity, ambition, the pursuit of something more, or simply because it’s not who we are.

It could involve a career change, relationship breakdown, a journey of self-discovery, a growing passion, or a new life – and we can switch courses at any time, letting go of the baggage of the past, our neat timeline veering off with new ventures and essential changes of plan.

As we start a new year we arrive at the natural point of self-reflection and forward-planning that comes each January – but this year, perhaps more than ever before, many of us will be taking the lessons learned from recent events and considering our next steps. For example, in a report from the job site Adzuna, it was estimated that a quarter of UK workers were considering a career change in 2021 – and, with that, the lifestyle, relationships and self-purpose upheaval that can come with it.

Here, with the help of a life coach, and someone who has embarked on brave and life-altering journeys themselves, we explore what happens when you let go of the past, and let the winds of change take you where you need to go.

When is it time to let go of the old?

“You may find it’s time to make some changes in your life when you’re feeling lost, directionless and misaligned with who you are. It can manifest as an uncomfortable feeling, or when you realise you’ve deviated from your goals,” life coach Angele Tilly explains, when asked what the signs are that it’s time to make a change in your life.

“A few signs to look out for are being moody all the time, the same problems coming up again and again, ruminating, regrets coming up, and feeling like you are not progressing in your life.” This  might be alarm bells going off in your mind, telling you that you need to get out, and to do it now; or it could be a niggling feeling, something that’s telling you that the place you’re in right now isn’t quite right for you, and that you could be happier. This was the case for Felicity Pryke, when she decided she wanted to ask for more.

“I was living a seemingly wonderful life, full of music, travel, and fine food. To the outside world I was happy, but inside I felt empty. I chose not to have children – not a decision I regret, but it left me wondering exactly what I had contributed to the world. Nothing in my life had any permanence; I felt I had no legacy to leave.”

Feeling disconnected with a sense of purpose, whatever that may be for each individual, can leave us feeling untethered. So, Felicity made a choice. She left her marriage, and old life, behind. “I spent the next few years picking up the pieces, working out which ones to keep and which pieces to discard, and putting them back together in a new order.

“The truth was that I had simply outgrown the life I had been living. I studied the science of happiness, and realised that happiness was not just to be found in hedonic pleasures, but also from having meaning and purpose in life.” Five years later, Felicity is a yoga and happiness teacher – running her business Finding Felicity – where she works to pass on the things that she learned herself.

“It’s like that tiny stone in your shoe; you forget it’s there, but every now and then it makes itself known and irritates you. Then it disappears and you forget to shake it out. I know that so many people have that little niggle that something isn’t quite right and I truly believe that you shouldn’t need to set fire to your life to find that niggle.

“I had to cause a lot of hurt and destruction to people I loved to scratch my itch. I refuse to believe that there isn’t a better way, and that has become my life’s mission – to guide people to build a life they don’t need to escape from, and become healthy, happy and well beings.”

What’s stopping you?

Of course, there are so many obstacles that we face before we’re can let go of the life we used to live and bring in changes; these might be financial, social, or a sense of duty and responsibility. What Angele sees often, though, is something else.

“When the time has come to change direction, fear will be the first obstacle to show up – and it is a very normal, human reaction,” she says. “Your brain is built to keep you safe, so you will be questioning if a change is needed, and if going for the new and unknown is better than the old and familiar. Once your decision has been made, you will probably challenge it again, wondering ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’

As Angele explains, you can overcome this fear by having faith in yourself and the decisions that you made. “If you took the decision to change, it means it was time for you to change. Whether or not it’s going to be a smooth process is irrelevant here.”

The art of letting go

The change that you may want to enact in your own life might not be as big as that of Felicity; it might be as simple as letting go of guilt and indulging in a hobby that used to bring you joy. But, no matter what the size of the action, the ability to set yourself free of whatever it was that was holding you back, and to move forward with confidence, is something that takes bravery and determination, along with a dash of hope.

So, ask yourself, if you listened to that niggling feeling at the back of your mind, what would it tell you, and where you go next?