The potential harms of being a ‘super-helper’

Being a ‘super-helper’ could be doing you more harm than good and cause adverse consequences for your mental health  

CREDIT: This is an edited version of an article that originally appeared on Happiful

If you are always putting others’ needs before your own, to the point where you have no time for yourself, you could be a ‘super-helper’. It’s important to spot the signs of being a super-helper early, so you can take action before you reach a state of exhaustion – here are the four most common adverse consequences.

Exhaustion – many super-helpers run on empty and take this for granted. You may feel tired all the time, have no time for yourself, have disturbed sleep, suffer from muscle tension and headaches or feel weighed down on a daily basis. 

Resentment – it’s easy to say you don’t want anything in return for helping, but the reality is it’s hard to keep going indefinitely if you get little reward. At the very least, you deserve thanks and recognition; without this, you may find yourself ruminating on how much you do for others.

Exploitation – if you never express your needs, it’s easy for other people to act as if you don’t have any and take advantage of your help. If you give the impression that you want nothing in return, you’ll often get nothing in return. That’s why it’s important to take a hard look at whether some of the people you are helping are exploiting you.

Self-criticism – it’s ironic that those who are so good at looking after others are often less kind to themselves. Super-helpers’ self-criticism typically operates on two levels; they criticise themselves for not helping enough, or they criticise themselves for feeling the adverse impacts of being a super-helper – exhaustion, resentment and feeling exploited.

If you are at the point where you are finding it difficult to look after your own needs, take a step back. Like everyone else, there are times when you need comfort, rest, reassurance, sustenance, and time to yourself – and if you don’t express your needs, no-one can know how to take care of you when you are struggling.